So, it's my birthday. I am no longer 30, I am 31. I'm not sure if I would be considered middle aged, but, if that's what you call it then I am one smokin' hot middle aged woman. Yup, let's just say that.I still don't know how I feel about this. I wasn't so sure how I felt about turning 30 a year ago, and I'm still definitely not sure how I feel about turning 31. But unlike any typical 31 year old who throws a kickass party with lots of glitter, food, alcohol or limo service, (no Vegas trip with the girls either) I celebrate by writing a blog post. 

Boring! But please, proceed. You secretly want to know what it's about. 

Here are 5 simple rules on how to be an amazing 31 year old: 

1. Be a creative fool

It's never too late to start a Vlog. Just sayin'. If a cat can do it and get 1 million followers, I'm sure you making a fool of yourself (creatively, of course) will at least get a few 100k views. 

2. Learn another language

There's is something sexy about knowing another language. Even when you're saying rubbish, it just sounds amazing. In full attempt to be a super sexy 31 year old, learn another language.  

Minion jibberish is counted. 

3. Don't leave the house under dressed

No more yoga pants and skimpy little crop tops that shout, "I look like I'm gonna go to the gym, but really I'm not." Don't take it easy on yourself when stepping out of the house.  Make things a little harder for yourself, but hey, you look bangin'. Put a little more effort into leaving the house. Even if it's just to pick up tampons. You want to walk through the drug store line with that box of super soakers - confident, poised and hot. "Yes I have my period. Thank GOD I'm not pregnant."  

BTW leggings, stretchy short skirts and crop tops or crop top bras are no longer appropriate for anyone over the age of 30 at any social setting. No. There are other textiles to choose from. Have you heard of cotton? Cashmere? Jeans, even? You should try it.

4. Read or be socially awkward and stare at people

Magazines count, but ideally something more substantial.  Wouldn't be so bad to pick up the local newspaper when you're sipping a delicious matcha latté at the local corner café you are visiting.  If not, just people watch. Put down the phone and watch the world spin around you. We are all missing so much. If you see someone pick their nose and eat it, stare at them and shake your head. They know better. 

5. Do Yoga

It's the best practice you can do for your body.  I firmly believe that yoga - the practice and flow in each pose and the lifestyle is good for your health and for your soul.  It's almost like it delays aging.  If you're going to bother with trying to prevent the physical effects of growing older a.k.a feeling 31+, then yoga is it.  Have you heard of face yoga?. If this doesn't work, then proceed to plastic surgery. You're hopeless. 

Breathe. 

Namaste.

Botox.